so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
