She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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