Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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