I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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