that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
