everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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