Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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