just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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