there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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