Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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