Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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