im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There r osticjed everywhere
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
