Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
