my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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