i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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