There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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