omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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