thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
