My hair reeks of homosexuality.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
