life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
