Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
