i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
