Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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