I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
