You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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