i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
