you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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