I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
