I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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