im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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