I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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