Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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