I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
