Your tits are I can't wait for
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
