You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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