So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
