i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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