Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
