please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
