I wish my penis had an off switch
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
