OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
