the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
