didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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