Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
