Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
