wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
