feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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