I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
