guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
