I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
