Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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