whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
