Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's official drugs can't kill me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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