11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
