she looked like the before picture.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
