i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
