I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
