dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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