trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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