Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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