We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
