That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
