Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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