sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
