This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
