the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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