I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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