you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love having hate sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
