I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
