I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
