but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
