He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
