some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
