At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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