im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
