there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
