I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
